When Eleanor asked me to write an article about surviving abuse and some advice on how to help people cope with a disclosure, I couldn’t refuse although personally, I dont yet really call myself a survivor but I hate being a victim. This article was supposed to be written before Eleanor left on her holiday, but l had just recieved some alarming news and had to check it out and can be now included in this article.

Surviving

For any abuse victim every day is a fight to survive. Just because the abuse ends doesn’t mean that their suffering ends too. Its only the beginning. Victims lose their self worth, their pride, their humanity. A childhood snatched and an adult life destroyed. Childhood can never be replaced. Shame is the biggest factor, self blame and fear, preventing victims from disclosing their abuse. Victims are brainwashed over a period of time and believe the abuser beyond doubt, especially if the abuser is a relative or a close family friend where they are in a position to know personal details about the family and use it to their advantage.

Victims lose their own self respect and come to believe that they are to blame for their abuse, although not fully understanding why they are to blame they believe it to be true because why else would an adult they once trusted subject them to horrific sexual acts that are beyond the imagination? They are destroyed beyond all recognition by the time they become adults. Most victims turn to alcohol, drugs, commit suicide, become homeless, rejected by their family and friends, a string of failed relationships or become the abuser. There are also those who can lead a life without these battles and go on to be very successful people, happy and at peace, but they are few.

By the time I was 20yrs old, alcohol had become my best friend. I couldn’t cope with the shame and the guilt of my abuse, I couldn’t cope with the fact that there was no-one I could turn too, I didn’t trust anyone. I could never speak up for myself and when I did it was through stammering and embarrassment, lacking in confidence, low self esteem, fear of people…..fear of myself. A dark growing hate of who I was, who I had become, I despised the wreck of a woman staring back at me in the mirror. I couldn’t hold down a job, a decent relationship, had no friends or close family members I could turn too and had to learn to live with the fact I had been abused and there was no-one to help me.

It is a lonely, shallow empty life. Every day becomes a fight for survival as you try to ‘fit in’ and put on a happy face and look as though you haven’t a care in the world. But you can only keep this up for so long before that becomes a burden as you struggle to maintain a happy, sane and likeable persona. The despair and turmoil leave a path of destruction and losing the will to live. Over time victims become withdrawn from society, become reclusive, almost hermit like.

There is no justice, no salvation, no inner peace.

Facts

How can anyone hold a child accountable for abuse? When they should be playing childhood games, building sandcastles and keeping snails for pets, they live in fear, in pain, and broken.

There is no excuse for child abuse.

Journey To Justice

Innocent Voices UK is a website set up to support victims of child sex abuse which I set up along with three other survivors in August last year. We help to raise awareness of abuse and how people can help. We have personally helped several people, offering support and friendship, giving them a voice and a place where they can go and feel safe.

On Saturday 29th May, we are holding a demo in Buchanan Street Glasgow, 12pm – 3pm, to raise the awareness of child sex abuse with a peacful gathering handing out flyers, petitions and information on how the general public can help protect innocent children. The demo is being organised along with another group based in Glasgow called We Are Change and Nicola Mc from FaceBook group. We are seeking justice for all abuse victims and asking for a change in the law for longer sentencing without parole and that on their release, people have the right to be informed of a paedophile being housed in their area.

E.U. & Germany

The E.U. & Germany are trying to legalise paedophilia which has been revealed in a published booklet. So many people even those in anti-paedophile groups are still unaware of this publication, It has now been removed from publication, but that does not take away the fact it was written, verified, proof-read, spell checked, agreed, published and sent out to millions of parents in Germany by Family Affairs and these sickening actions were encouraged to take place.

Imagine it… instead of what used to be a shock about finding out your teacher was gay or a lesbian, in a few years our kids could be coming home from school and casually saying “oh guess what mum, dad.. our teacher is a paedophile… And there will be nothing you can do because you did’nt do a thing when you had the chance to stand up and say “NO”.

What kind of message does this send out to victims and paedophiles? Can you imagine paedophilia being legalised? It is repulsive and degrading, adding insult to injury for victims.

To view the complete story click: E.U. & Germany

Conclusion

Sexual abuse isn’t a new phenomenon, and it continues today at an alarming rate. With the exposure of the Irish catholic church cases and the Vatican’s involvement in covering up horrendous acts of abuse, more and more cases are coming to light which means we are slowly winning the battle to see justice and prevent another child becoming a victim.

If we dont stand up for children……then we dont stand for much.

Next: How you can help victims through support, how to deal with disclosure and how your help is needed.

It’s been an eventful week. I’ve met a TV journalist, helped campaign for equality for young people, explained the concept of Give A Brick to another journalist, had breakfast with an author, spent 24 hours in London and enjoyed my first Thai banquet.

In between all that I’ve also done a little bit of teaching and a little bit of writing

And now we’ve just got back from taking our three children to Tenby on the train. It was their first ever proper train journey so you can imagine the excitement

So one week in and despite lots of apparent distractions and excitement, I’m pleased to announce that I’ve written the titles and teasers for all 28 posts as well as having finished writing one regular post. 1 down, 27 to go

You can read more details about how the rest of the challengers have fared this week if you head over to Carlos’ Conscious Me blog. All being well, he’s hoping to post the challenge update there later today. As soon as he does so, include the link right here

All this is lovely for the friends and family of those involved in the challenge but what if you’re only vaguely interested? What can you take from this very quick round up?

The greatest thing I’ve learned over the course of this week is the importance of making the most of every opportunity. There have been a number of times this week when I’ve been given the perfect opportunity to write. I had to seize them with both hands. Equally, there have been unexpected opportunities that have popped up.

When unexpected things happen and they fit in with your big dreams, it’s always best to grab them. If someone had offered me the opportunity to sell fruit on their market stall this week, I may have been less likely to go for it. I’m pretty unclear right now how selling fruit and veg fits into our big dreams for Give A Brick

That said, if a friend asked me to help them out with something (including selling fruit and veg) I know what I’m like. Rightly or wrongly (and yes, sometimes it is wrong to say yes, even to a friend ) I always try to help folks out if it is within my capabilities to do so.

So pre-writing challenger or not, my encouragement for you over the week to come is to be on the lookout for opportunities and make the best use of them in whatever way that relates to you.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. That’s how Give A Brick was born

Aside from the rather large elephant that needs eating right here on this site, I’ve found my own personal elephant:

Like the very best of challenges, this one came about as a result of a ‘thinking out loud’ sort of exchange in the comments section of a guest post by Carlos Velez on Dave Doolin’s Website In A Weekend. If you haven’t read part one of that guest post, it’s worth reading that first

The Pre-Writing Challenge had it’s official beginning last Friday, February 19th and ends on March 21st, three weeks from today. The goal is to write a fortnight’s worth of blog content (in addition to the usual post output) and given that we aim to post twice per day here at Give A Brick, that means writing an additional 28 posts (14 regular posts + 14 One Minute Motivator posts)

Am I mad? Is this even possible? I believe so (otherwise why would I even be bothering to try ) but I’m upping the stakes a little because not only do I want to complete the challenge, I want to finish first Fighting talk eh?

Want to know how I’m doing on the challenge? Follow me and I’ll keep you posted on my struggles, successes, and failures too!

Follow me:

Here are the other lovely folks I’ll be getting to know. If you’re not already familiar with their work, be sure to head over and say hello. Like me, they’re going to need lots of encouragement over the next 21 days

The Pre-Writing Challenge Roster:
Author: Carlos Velez

Pre-Writing Challenge Page: Conscious Me | A Personal Development Journey

Bio: Carlos Velez is a writer with a full-time job on the side (for now!). He blogs about achieving goals and making change. Carlos’ blog, Conscious Me, allows readers to not only observe a journey to success in progress, but to participate and grow themselves.

Goal: “I normally posts 2 times a week, and many of my articles are 1500+ words, so I will count those as 1 and shorter posts as 1/2 a post. I will have 4-6 posts (depending on length) by the end of the challenge.

Update:

February 26th – Since the challenge started, I’ve almost completed 2 rough drafts of pre-writing posts, along with writing the 3 posts that published this past week, completing this coming Monday’s post, and most of the next post. I’ve also worked on 2 guest posts to submit to other sites. I’ve done a pretty good amount of writing this week on top of a lot of other work, so it’s been a very productive week. It still leaves me a bit behind on the Pre-Writing front, though.

Author: Justin Matthews

Pre-Writing Challenge Page: Catharsis of the Bogue

Bio: Justin is a 35 year old stay at home dad. He started blogging in December 2009 to help himself practice writing. In January 2010 Justin decided to get serious and make his little blog something that will make him money. He has been learning and writing ever since. Justin has 3 kids with one due in July. He love fishing and working out with Kettlebells. He also loves to write, saying “It is one of the only things I have ever been really good at. I will have 10 posts by the end of the challenge!”

Goal: “I normally publishes 5 times per week and fiction on Saturday. I have Saturdays taken care of so my goal in the challenge will be 10 posts.”

Author: Bert Padilla

Pre-Writing Challenge Page: Cite-Technologian

Bio: Bert Padilla is a 23 year old part-time blogger, blogging about technology, Internet, and social media. He has a full-time job at Teradyne, Philippines. He started blogging in late 2008, and finally put up his main blog in March 2009. He also writes articles for Cebu Bloggers Society, a local group in the Philippines geared toward a civic and social awareness.

Goal: “My average post per week is 5, normally 400-500 words, except for product reviews. I don’t spend much time on my computer during weekends, so my goal is to post 10-12 articles per week by the end of the challenge.”

Author: Megan Potter

Pre-Writing Challenge Page: Limitless Living – Open Yourself to the Possibilities

Bio: Megan Potter is a Spiritual and Intuitive Coach and Speaker and strives to be a general, all around inspirer (is that a word?) of people – aka a Muse. And that doesn’t even include all her normal girl jobs! Her blog at Limitless Living is meant to inspire all the normal, everyday women, just like her, to believe that they are really Gorgeous, Brave women who can change the world and live a life with no limits. She’s all about Spirit and Passion and Living Your Purpose with Creativity and Joy; even if she is learning as she goes.

Goal: “My goal is to post three time a week (one of which is a Meme I’ve been running) so my goal would be six posts plus the ones I have to blog in the interim.”

Updates:
February 26 – I decided that I needed to look at this challenge as the entire 6 weeks of writing (18 posts) rather than just the 2 weeks of pre-writing (6 posts) otherwise I would be so focused on the 6 post topics I’d forget to think of things for the others. So this is where I stand on all of them.

I have, at least, an idea for something like 13-15 of the 18 posts. Three are now in draft format (fully written and linked, waiting for editing and finalizing), and three have either been posted or are already scheduled to post.

I’ve written at least two of the six around midnight when I should be in bed – or at least not working. I just can’t stop writing! Although, I imagine there’s a good chance I’ll crash and burn in about three days .

Yours,

Megan

Author: Amanda Farough

Pre-Writing Challenge Page: Violetminded | Code & Creativity

Bio: Amanda Farough is a web rock-star, currently peddling her wares in web design and development; in a previous incarnation, she was a bad-ass software developer. Her blog is a smattering of various topics: design, development, literary debauchery, freelancing, tasty creative non-fiction about her life, love letters, and various other bits and bobs of geekery. On her off hours, she designs (and plays) video games, writes novels that may never be published, and dances in the rain.

Goal: “I’m completely erratic in my posting. This should force me to be a bit more disciplined. Most weeks, I’m anywhere from 1-3 times a week. I’ll shoot for 3 times a week during this challenge. Goal: 6 posts. Rock on. Let’s get this party started.”

Author: Deacon

Pre-Writing Challenge Page: Bad Deacon Design | Fine Art Woodblock Printmaking

Bio: Deacon is an artist, a mechanical engineer, and is rather handsome and charming (or so he will tell you). Deacon’s Woodblock Printmaking Studio is in the heart of Downtown San Francisco, blocks from Union Square. He writes about the art he makes and sells, printmaking, and pursuing a career in Fine Art while maintaining a DayJob to pay the bills, and what all that stuff has to do with life.

Goal: “Well, I usually publish 2 to 3, but I’d like to publish 4 to 5. Since this is a challenge, we’ll make 9 posts my target.”

Author: Antti Kokkonen

Pre-Writing Challenge Page: The Blog of Antti Kokkonen | Tips, Guides, Reviews and Resources to Help You Unleash the Power of Online Media

Bio: Antti Kokkonen is an IT Specialist by profession, a blogger by heart, from Finland. Antti shares his expertise and enthusiasm for all things online by writing articles, blogging and helping others. Antti has a down-to-earth approach to both his personal and business life. In addition to helping the largest companies in the world to reach better results, he helps people and their businesses to become more effective and more profitable online by focusing on all aspects of online media, including blogging, social media and online marketing.

Goal: “I post 3-4 times a week, so for this challenge I set target at 8.”

Author: Dustin Evenson

Pre-Writing Challenge Page: Professor Budget | Financial Budgeting, Debt Reduction, Wealth Building

Bio: Dustin Evenson considers himself a theologian and philosopher first, and a financial coach second. He knows about the theory and practice of budgeting money, and draws on his experience and knowledge of theology and philosophy to bring this to others.

He wishes to teach through his blog and inspire others. His blog provides practical information and opinions about budgeting money, debt reduction strategies, and wealth building. Most articles revolve around simple ideas and practical use. Dustin would eventually like to comment on budgeting spirituality and philosophy into one’s life through his blog.

Goal: “I normally post three times a week, but want to push towards publishing every weekday, so my goal is 10 posts.”

Author: Aaron Pogue

Pre-Writing Challenge Page: Unstressed Syllables | Writing advice for everyone

Bio: Aaron Pogue is a Technical Writer with the Federal Aviation Administration. He has a degree in Writing and has been working as a Technical Writer since 2002. He’s also a creative writer with nine novels, a dozen short stories, and countless essays and poems under his belt. Most recently, he’s a writing professor at Oklahoma Christian University where he teaches Technical Writing to a bunch of people who aren’t writers. That experience became the foundation of his website. While Aaron brings decades of training as a writer, he is more and more convinced that everyone can learn to write better, with less effort.

Goal: “I post two articles and two writing exercises every week, so my goal would be eight posts total.”

Author: Eleanor Edwards

Pre-Writing Challenge Page: GiveABrick.com | Give A Brick (i.e. just £1) then ask your friends to do the same.

Bio: Eleanor writes for UK registered charity, Give A Brick. Give A Brick think they are the first charity to ask all their friends to give just one brick (£1) and then ask them to ask their friends to do the same. Your £1 will buy bricks (and roof tiles, concrete and slabs) to provide a place for children to play, young people to hang out in safety and older people to meet. All deserve to feel valued and loved. That’s what Give A Brick is about and you make the difference.

At Give A Brick, Eleanor is building an online community of people helping each other out, listening and being listened to. That aspect of Give A Brick doesn’t cost a penny

Goal: “I normally post twice daily; one a short motivational piece designed to be actioned in about a minute and the other, a slightly longer piece around 500 words in length. Therefore, I’m aiming to pre-write 28 posts by the end of the challenge *gulp* This might be slightly insane but given that these are short posts compared to some, I believe this can be done ”

Updates:
March 1st – Learning from Megan’s update, I’ve started building a list of post titles for both the next three weeks and the 28 extras. I’m still missing a lot of the titles for the 1 minute motivators but have 12 of the 14 titles for the main posts. I’ll add them later.

March 2nd – I had a quiet day in school today so planning in advance, I had a pen and my little notebook with me. All 14 of the main blog posts now have titles (or working titles) and I’ve written outlines for all bar four. I hope to have titles for the 1 minute motivators by close of play tomorrow.

So listed below are the 14 titles. Teasers to follow:

• What do you do when your bottle threatens to pop?
• Have you got a division 3 mentality?
• Why I spent the last 23 minutes singing in the kitchen while my children quarelled outside.
• Five things your children need to hear.
• Your amazing, fantastic brain.
• All this to your wishlist: The Shack, a review.
• How a rock and a bottle of tomato ketchup could help you write your next blog post.
• Water for the body, refreshment for the soul. How to stay hydrated.
• Open, honest and unoffended. Could this unusual approach work for you?
• They laughed when I said, “Just Give A Brick”, but then we rebuilt a community.
• How a dizzy mum of three changed 17 lives today.
• A lazy girl’s guide to Summer fitness fun (works just as well for all you lazy boys!)
• Life, love and lollypops.
• Could ADHD be cured with love?

All I have so far of the 1 Minute Motivator list is as follows:

• A little seasoning goes a long way.
• A good ol’ belly laugh.
• Love covers a multitude of sin.
• Space, the final frontier.
• Instant hydration

March 4th – I now have 28 titles and 28 teasers for titles. Because of the quantities involved, it’s getting a bit longer and silly so I’ve moved the more detailed breakdown onto a new page. It’s called How the elephant break dances and it will show all the post titles and teasers. Thank

Updates

Check back for regular updates on each participant to see how they’re doing. Go check out their sites, and cheer them on! We’re all going to need it!

And finally …

Aaron Pogue is very kindly hosting a forum for folks to talk about the highs, lows and headaches of this challenge. Feel free to pop over and see what everyone is talking about.

P.S.
If you need some help finding your elephant, try this 1 minute motivator to get you started.

After yesterday’s official launch of ‘Give A Brick – the community‘ (for want of a better name for it ) I’m now so excited by the support and encouragement we’ve had, I can’t find a single thing to write about! That’ll teach me to say that ideas just pop into my head Are you stuck with a deadline to meet and nothing to write about? Read my top 5 tips for how to write when you’re so excited you can’t, and let me know if they help.

1. Check your ‘post list’

You know the times when you have so many ideas and not enough places to put them? Do you write them down for a rainy day? If not, this is definitely something you need to start doing. Everyone has their unique way of doing this, be it a text message, note on your mobile or the good old fashioned pen and paper. However you do it, just do it! Even if it’s just a scrap of an idea, write it down! You’ll be amazed how those ideas can bloom into fully fledged pieces given a little time and space inside your amazing brain.

2. Search Google News

Whatever you write about, Google news will have something of interest to you. I make it a regular practice to type ‘charity’ into Google News and doing so has resulted in no less than four separate posts (and we’ve been adding regular content here for less than a month!) If your blog is geared toward technology news or following celebrities, this advice will be old hat to you. However, just reading about the happenings in your world can spark an amazing variety of ideas.

3. Read your comments

Have a look back at what your readers have been talking to you about. Have they asked a question that would merit more than a two sentence answer? What’s been the hot topic for you this week? Maybe your visitors have been enjoying a heated exchange? You could write a piece looking at the pros and cons of both sides before offering your opinion.

4. Visit some of your fellow writers

There’s nothing like reading to make you think. One great way to get some ideas for what to write about is to see what your fellow bloggers are talking about. If you’re a good neighbour, you’ll have your favourites bookmarked or in your RSS reader for easy access but how about making some new friends? One of the joys of Stumble-Upon is you can pick your area of interest and go for a ramble (or in their words, a stumble ) A top 10 list of your favourite stumbles would keep you going for one post

5. Go for a walk

Step away from the screen, get some fresh air, engage with your family and live a little. Stop thinking about writing for a little while and just go and enjoy yourself. Even if this is your job that pays the bills (and lucky you if it is, I heard that even the top 10% of bloggers earn just $19K per year ) it isn’t meant to be this draining. Remember why it is you write!

“A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the other one.” ~Baltasar Gracián

Over to you. What do you think?

Please add a comment and retweet.
It’s just another one of the ways you can Give A Brick and then tell your friends

photo credit: woodleywonderworks

Give A Brick works to support children, young people, the elderly and those experiencing financial hardship. If you enjoyed this one post, please Give A Brick (just £1 ) then ask your friends to do the same.

Give A Brick is a UK registered charity #1121744

Have you seen our 1 Minute Motivators yet? They’re a great way to start your day