How to Live in Peace Without Being a Doormat

Unless you live on a remote island without Internet connection, even the most independent person will find themselves having to negotiate some pretty fraught territory at times. For the rest of us, just surviving the day to day battle that can be family life is enough to see us hankering after that remote island.  We were made to have relationships but if that’s the case, why is it so difficult sometimes?  Life isn’t meant to be a battle ground. Read on to find out how you can have a more peaceful existence, without getting walked all over

Pick Your Battles
We all have things that we feel strongly about. Your children need to clean their teeth before bedtime. Your work colleague needs to get that report to you before the deadline. Your partner needs to love and respect you. What about the washing up? Do you have any strong feelings about who does that and when? And bedtime for the children … must that be at 7pm precisely?

If you have standards in your life that are flexible, movable ideals, this will make for a much smoother existence. However, it’s important to be clear what your immovable standards are. Consistency with the big things means you can be more relaxed with the small stuff.

Learn to see the funny side
Do your lovely children like to make a lot of noise? Do your parents say daft stuff that drives you mad with frustration? Has your partner got into the habit of leaving their dirty clothes in a pile on the bedroom floor?

You’d be forgiven for failing to get the joke in any of these situations But, could you learn to look for the funnies? There is a time for everything but an ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ outlook will spare you a lot of tears and tantrums. As you learn to pick your battles, seeing the funnies gets a lot easier.  Give it a try the next time you feel your blood starting to boil.

Learn to say sorry
It’s well documented that ‘sorry’ is a hard word to use properly. Why is it so hard to admit that you’re wrong? Or do you go to the other extreme and say sorry for everything, almost as naturally as breathing? We all get it wrong sometimes and that includes when we try and apologise. How valid is it to say, “I’m sorry you feel like that.” Or what about the infamous words of actor, Robin Williams, “I’m sorry. If you were right, I’d agree with you.” And my favourite apology, “I’m sorry but …”

The next time you get it wrong, practice saying sorry, without making excuses or turning the situation back on to the person you have wronged.

Communication
Communication is a two way art. If you’re doing all the talking then you’re not being a great communicator. Similarly, if you can’t get a word in edgewise, chances are you’re in danger of becoming a door mat. It is possible for two people to have opposing opinions and yet maintain a healthy relationship. The only way to do this is for both to have the opportunity to express themselves. Particularly for us ladies, sometimes just having the opportunity to talk about why we’re aggrieved is enough to heal the hurts and move on. By contrast, if a certain something is kept locked up and not talked about, it can fester and rot a relationship.

This is a generalization but gents, start talking! And ladies, remember to use your ears from time to time to give him a chance to tell you how he feels

The Golden Rule
It’s an over-used cliche but it has got to be said: ‘Treat other as you’d like them to treat you.’ If I could magically zap just one rule for life into my children, this would be it. However, a quote I read by Frank Crane made me stop and think about this golden rule.

“The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move”

But now it’s over to you. What do you think? Do you live by the golden rule? What do you do to maintain a peaceful home life?

photo credit: suki_fotografiert