
Today feels like an historic day as I introduce our first ever community article. When I’ve tinkered with the behind-the-scenes settings, all community articles will have links to the author’s website and bio details. In the meantime, allow me to tell you that Sire is from WassupBlog and in his own words, “All round good blogger, blogging for fame and glory on Wassupblog.com.” Profile pic coming very soon but in the mean time, over to you Sire:
When offering advice on parenting, one of the first things people want to know is whether or not you have the necessary credentials to offer said advice. Unlike some who have taken courses on the subject but have never raised a child themselves, I can say that I have helped raise two children, a 21 year old male and an 18 year old female, and it’s this experience that I would like to share with you. I admit I have made my mistakes, but I believe that have learned by them. You may well find some books written by so called experts that may contradict what I am about to say, but I don’t care, it worked for me, it will hopefully work for you and at the very least, it gives you some ideas.
The Bundle Of Joy Arrives!
The birth of your first child is truly a miracle, and I like to think of every newborn as a fresh piece of clay, one whose future shape will depend largely on how you work it on the wheel of life. It’s a scary thought for many a new parent, and so it should be because the way we bring up that child not only shapes his or her life, but those who come in contact with the resulting adult. The first few years are very important as every child will need the gentlest of touches and all the loving care and nurturing you can give. The more time you devote in the early days the greater the bond and truer the form it will take.
There will be many times when the baby will cry and scream, but no good will come of it if you rant and rave back as the baby doesn’t understand a word you’re saying and the emotions you convey will only scare the child, exasperating the problem. You first have to find out what’s wrong. Is it overly moist, or are there other lumps present in the clay? If so, then a diaper change is in order. If it too dry and cracking it may be that a temperature check is called for, as something may be amiss. Not taking on the right shape or is the size of your work of art not what it should be? Then perhaps some food is the answer. If all seems to be in order then then perhaps all that is needed is a bit of loving attention.
One important point to make for all first time parents is that you are not alone. There are many people out there who can help you so do not be afraid to ask for that help.
A Toddler Emerges.
So you’ve given it all the loving attention that you think is required and you place it in the kiln. After a while you take him or her out and you now have a little toddler running around getting into all sorts of mischief. Patience is definitely a virtue now. The child will be looking for all sorts of attention; the trick is to reward good behavior and to ignore or give a firm NO to bad behavior. This can be tricky sometimes because if ignoring does not get the reaction he’s looking for he will recommit the crime.
Remember as frustrating as it can be anger on your part is not the answer, unless it’s controlled anger. The first is a useless emotion that has clouded your thought process leading to improper action on your part. Controlled Anger occurs when you can step back for a moment, take a couple of breaths, count to ten and assess the situation. Perhaps no anger at all is needed and you merely have to take the child aside and explain the consequences of what he is doing.
Controlled Anger is to be used sparingly and in dire situations and done on the spot. No point saying “wait till your dad gets home” as this is totally useless because children have a short attention span at that age and they will have forgotten what they’ve done and won’t know what they are being told off for. The action required may be raising the voice or a smack. Once again sparingly because those parents who do this at the drop of the hat, smacking their child every time it makes a mistake, will cause the child to become immune to this sort of teaching practice.
The Teen Years
“What have I got myself in for?!” is the reaction of many parents once their child has reached the dreaded teens. If you have taught the child in the early years, when you were able to shape and mold them, the teen years can be a whole lot easier. If you have waited until now to instruct a child you will have a hard time ahead of you. All I can say is good luck! Just remember, whatever the pain and sacrifice you have to go through, it will all be worth it.
Over to you. What do you think?
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photo credit: bionicteaching
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Twitter: kruby
Very interesting article, Sire
I don’t have any children, so I guess I can’t offer any advice. It was interesting to read from a male perspective though, since there are a lot of ‘mommy blogs’ out there.
It’s nice that you are able to share what you have learned with others – I hope it works for someone else. After billions of people have been born on the planet, you think the definitive guide to parenting would have come out by now
Karen
.-= Karen´s last blog ..My Top 5 Secret Success Factors =-.
Twitter: GiveABrick
Hi Karen
And we’re in the same family so it is amazing to think how different we all are.
I agree, he’s done a great job. I particularly loved the analogies to clay. Very clever. The fact that the definitive guide has yet to appear is probably testament to the different unique gifts we all bring to the job. For example, I know my mother’s way wouldn’t work for me and I’m sure she’d agree
.-= Eleanor´s last blog ..1 Minute Motivator: Smile =-.
Karen, I think that some people shouldn’t have kids, especially those who leave kids in cars alone on hot days with the windows closed. Only a couple of weeks ago a man had to break the window of a car that had an obviously distressed child in it on a 40C day. What was that mother thinking.
Most parents are pretty good but I think some need a bit of education before taking a child home. I’m sure a lot would love it if the baby came with instructions rather than having to take it home ‘blind’ so to speak. No wonder so many parents get stressed out.
.-= Sire´s last blog ..My Spin On The Squeeze Page And Email Lists =-.
Twitter: SteveYoungs
Hey Sire!
Gee, you sure get around, man.
My clays are turning 10 and 8 this year, so still a couple of years yet till the teens.
I enjoyed your article very much and can attest to its accuracy.
Have rat, will tweet!
Kind regards,
Steve.
No worries Steve, mine are 21 and 18 and the 18 year old girl is a constant worry for me, probably because I know what boys are like.
.-= Sire´s last blog ..My Spin On The Squeeze Page And Email Lists =-.
Twitter: ralphcarlson
What I remember most is bringing number on son home. My wife had an infection and couldn’t be near him. Everything was up to me. I remember thinking “What are they thinking letting this baby go home with me.” Somehow it worked out.
.-= Ralph´s last blog ..The Top Ten Reasons for NOT Posting Daily =-.
That’s called learning the hard way Ralph
.-= Sire´s last blog ..If Women Controlled The Earth =-.
Twitter: TheDrEgg
Mine are 32, 30, 26, 25, 22, and 19 but that means that once upon a time they were 13, 11, 7, 6, 3 and 0. Each was a bundle of joy and now continue to give and share joy. They still cause me and Mrs Egg worry and probably always will until such time as they start to worry over us! (Perhaps there may be advantages to having six children after all – dotage in old age springs to mind). The eldest always claims we experimented on her and only finally got it right with number 6. Number 6 claims he was so chilled out watching the others make the mistakes with us that he had it all figured out. Like many of the comments here, I agree that what we should stive for is to do our level best, acknowledging that no one ever got it completely right. Love is all you need.
Actually Dr. Egg I think #6 has it right. I’m #2 of three and I learned a lot from watching my older brother’s mistakes
.-= Sire´s last blog ..Blogging, It’s Not What You Say But How You Say It =-.
Twitter: GiveABrick
On behalf of both myself and my slightly younger sister, can I just say that we are 31 and 29 respectively. Once you get past 22, it’s no longer cool to pretend that you’re older than you are
But I agree, love covers over a multitude of sins.
Twitter: TheDrEgg
It’s an age thing! Mine!
Twitter: GiveABrick
I’d just like to add a massive thank you to Sire for this great article. It’s our first community piece and the response here and on Twitter has proven that it’s been a popular one. Good job Sire and thank you
Twitter: lionslinger
My son is just a toddler and I’m doing my best to be a good father to him. I will remember the wisdom you have shared here, as well as do my best to broaden my understanding.
I keep telling myself that to understand our children, we must go back to the time when we were one and see what makes us do what we do.
Twitter: GiveABrick
Hi Walter,
I think you’re right, it does help to see things through child-sized glasses. My eldest is very mischievous and whereas in the past I might get cross, on a good day, I now try to see the child-like fun side of it. I say ‘try’ because there are times when it needs to be tempered and no-one’s perfect 
Welcome to Give A Brick
.-= Eleanor´s last blog ..1 Minute Motivator: Give It Some Welly =-.
No worries Eleanor, I was more than happy to contribute.
.-= Sire´s last blog ..My Spin On The Squeeze Page And Email Lists =-.
Great article, thanks. Also, thanks to my considerably older sister who pointed out to Dr Egg that his second little omlette is still currently 29 and will be for 2 1/2 more weeks!!
I have to agree that I think children learn from watching older siblings and reccomment having mroe than one, it makes for hard work, especially if one doesn’t sleep, but it is so worth it.
Twitter: GiveABrick
20 months
Do you remember how when we were children, I’d say I was two years older and you’d say 18months? Funny how things change!
.-= Eleanor´s last blog ..1 Minute Motivator: Give It Some Welly =-.
Hey, I haven’t started a little family squabble have I
I din’t realize you guys were related. I’m actually the middle child but never suffered the syndrome. Too think skinned I reckon.
.-= Sire´s last blog ..Using Your Website As A Marketing Tool =-.
Twitter: GiveABrick
Hi Sire. Yep, my ‘baby’ sister Laura is a big GAB fan but only ventures online when it fits around her two little ones. My middle daughter struggled with mcs for quite a long time. My mum and dad’s advice? Have another baby!
Thankfully though, she’s grown out of it and seems to get the best of both worlds: she’s in charge when she plays with her younger brother and can play as an equal with her elder sister. For us, it seems to help that they’re close in age.
Actually being close in age is pretty important. My sister who is 8 years younger than me, well one could say she almost grew up as an only child, partly because of the age gap and partly because she was the only girl. Still she grew up fine and we are all very close.
.-= Sire´s last blog ..How The Things I Like Can Make Me Money =-.
Twitter: GiveABrick
I guess like with many things in life, it comes down to what you make of it. Sounds like you and your big brother would have beat any only child tendencies out of your baby sister
But all families have to work at being close. It might seem easier if you’re closer in age but my baby brother is 12 years my junior. I don’t see him as often as I’d like now he’s in uni but I still like to think that we’re close. Facebook and text messages definitely help though
This line leaves me feeling slightly uncomfortable
“when you were able to shape and mold them”
Is it a parents job to even do that? I know by default it happens especially in the ‘imprint years’ but it just ‘sounds’ wrong to me. A parents job is to guide and support not try and make a junior version of themselves, surely?
.-= Tim Brownson´s last blog ..I’m Stressed Senseless =-.
Twitter: GiveABrick
Hi Tim,
Many thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I suspect that what we might be talking about here is merely a difference of expression. What are you aiming to do when you ‘guide and support’ if not shape and mold them into well rounded individuals? There’s nothing to suggest that this is done with the intention of making them into a mini-me. Personally, I’d prefer my children not to be too much like me
Because you’re right, if parenting is done with the intention of making children into what we want them to be, that’s never healthy, even if we do so with the best of intentions.
.-= Eleanor´s last blog ..From acts of random kindness to taking over the world, it must be our Winter round-up 2010 =-.
Ok Eleanor, that makes sense, I think I was wrapped up in semantics.
.-= Tim Brownson´s last blog ..I’m Stressed Senseless =-.
Twitter: GiveABrick
Thanks Tim. Glad you’re happier
Glad you guys got that sorted out, save me having to step in.
.-= Sire´s last blog ..How The Things I Like Can Make Me Money =-.
Twitter: GiveABrick
Twitter: TheDrEgg
Now I am absolutely fascinated by this phenomenon as a beginner. Can anyone tell me why this post has come alive again? It was all quiet on the western front and suddenly there has been an explosion of interest from the community at large. Is it because many of us get an email notification, which prompts others to read and restarts a debate? With 26 comments before this one, this must be one of the most read posts for Give a Brick.
.-= Dr Egg´s last blog ..Conectivity =-.
I think it’s all due to people subscribing to the comments. All it takes is another interesting comment to start the ball rolling again when people get notification of it. Sort of makes me wonder why people don’t use the plugin.
.-= Sire´s last blog ..What Is The True Power Of The Blog? =-.
Twitter: TheDrEgg
OK. I guess you know what’s coming now? Which plugin?
.-= Dr Egg´s last blog ..Conectivity =-.
I’m not sure which one Eleanor is using as there are several, but I’m referring to a subscribe to comment plugin so that people are notified when someone leaves a new comment.
.-= Sire´s last blog ..Membership Drive For Where Bloggers Meet =-.
Twitter: GiveABrick
Yep, we use ‘subscribe to comment’ too. It’s great
As for why this conversation started again, in this case I think that’s thanks to Twitter too. I like to send out links to older posts periodically because we have so many great articles on here that would otherwise get lost forever in an archive somewhere. I also really appreciate the time folks put into community posts so I like to tweet those with their @username in recognition of this.
Whilst all the posts on the front page are date marked, I made a conscious decision to remove the date from the full post page. This means that if someone arrives here via a Twitter link, they don’t get put off by the thought that this is old information (it’s not, I only tweet the older timeless posts). It’s not until they read all the way to the comments section (where the dates are included) that they might realise it’s an older post. By then, they’re either engaged in the post or they’re not. If it’s the former, the date is fairly irrelevant
Just goes to show Eleanor that there’s nothing wrong with rejuvenating interest in an old post with a tweet or two.
.-= Sire´s last blog ..Update On Sponsored Tweets As To It’s Money Making Potential =-.
Twitter: GiveABrick
Very true Sire. I don’t know if it’s standard practice but it just seems like such a waste otherwise
Twitter: TheDrEgg
This rejuvenating has an honesty that is not seen in more traditional publishing medias where magazine articles are regularly recycled but are passed off as new.
.-= Dr Egg´s last blog ..1 Minute Motivator: Do you have an objection? =-.